An interview with business owner & carer Philippa Constable

Philippa Constable runs the networking group Women Mean Biz of which I am a member. Her life changed dramatically in 2021 when she suddenly found herself a carer for her partner, Phil.

I spoke with her about how this impacted her life and how she managed.

Tell me a little about yourself:

I was born and bred in Bristol, and have lived around the Southwest, in London, and various countries abroad, including New Zealand. I now live with my partner in Somerset.

I run two networking businesses in the South West, which I absolutely love. Am a mum of two adult children, enjoy eating out and walks in the countryside, although that has changed for me now.

Tell me a few facts about yourself:

I lived in New Zealand for four years, which was an amazing experience.

I love team sports. In fact, I am a team player in everything I do, which is reflected in my business.

I played hockey at quite a high level into my 40s. It’s important that I do something physical to keep fit as I am a big health and fitness person.

My passion is cooking and making soups - if I was to write a book, it would have to be about my favourite soup recipes. I love cooking from scratch and find it relaxing.

How did you become a carer?

Well, it’s not something I chose to do. Following a minor stroke in January 2021, we discovered that Phil, my partner of seven years, had a condition called CAA. This basically means all the arteries in his brain are compromised and prone to bleeding and breaking down. He experienced another TIA in April; we called 111, and they called an ambulance. He actually walked to the vehicle waving goodbye and said he would see me soon. When he got to the hospital, he had a major bleed resulting in a huge stoke.

He ended up unable to walk and a temporary loss of the use of his left-hand side.

Thankfully, the medical staff did a lot to help him. He was in a community hospital for a month, then came out in a wheelchair. with lots of rehab and physio he creates new pathways into his muscles and could walk again. Nine months on, and he’s doing very well.

How has this impacted you and your life?

It’s HUGE. When it happened, there were huge amounts of shock and trauma. It knocked us both sideways and impacted so many around us.

I immediately moved in with him and had to take three months off work to support him and be there. I was really lucky that I had so much support around me. I am forever thankful to all who rallied round and helped with the business. It meant I was lucky enough to take that time off to support him.

Slowly, I returned to my business, starting at one hour a day whilst managing Phil’s needs.

And then there were all the logistics. I had to move house and rent out my property. He could not drive for some time, so relied on me to get anywhere. Thankfully, he is driving again, and is much more independent.

My caring role is not so physical now, it’s more emotional. He won’t ever be the same again and we always live with the fear that it can happen again any time as he’s living with a condition which is not curable.

There are times when he has a headache, or is not feeling well, and I worry. His mood swings can be quite dramatic and as the carer, I have all my own emotions whilst managing his. I think that’s been the biggest challenge for me.

If I was honest, I would say there were one or two moments when I didn’t think our relationship was strong enough to get through this. We have been tested, and it’s been tough.

What have you learnt about yourself?

So much! I have a big capacity to give, although not all the time. So it’s important for me to lean on others and get support for myself as the carer.

Everyone focuses on the person who needs caring for. I am very lucky to have friends and family who were really worried about me as well, so kept checking in.

I learnt to be really patient and remind myself when he’s not having a good day or is in a foul mood that it’s not me or anything I have done - it’s the situation and he needs to let off steam. It can be hard when I have my own things going on and sometimes I do kick back.

Compassion and empathy are something we all have, but sometimes we have to dig deep to find it - it’s hard to be like that all the time.

I am grateful that I always try to look at the positives, that has helped me a lot.

There is also all the learning! I am now an expert in physio and strokes, what causes them, the impact, the different types of strokes. It helps me to support him as I understand what’s going on.

How do you look after yourself?

I am big on nutrition so I eat very well.

What’s been difficult for me is I don’t have access to a gym where I have moved and so haven’t got back to a good fitness regime now - it’s been a compromise. I do yoga once a week but am missing my walking. Phil and I used to go on long walks every weekend, often on a big hike, ending up at a pub somewhere. He was my walking partner, and I have lost that. I have not found a solution yet. I feel guilty if I go off and leave him behind, as it reminds me I can do it and he can’t. When we walk together, it’s much more slow and at his pace - we go as far as we can go then stop. We have talked about it and he wants me to do things as well. 

It’s important to communicate. The person who’s sick is very focused on themselves, he does not see the impact it’s had on me. I have to let him know that the impact is on both of us and he does not get that. So I just keep communicating. When I am finding things difficult, I let him know how I have had to change in order to look after him.

It’s important to get a break now and then. I have planned a weekend away with friends in March and September, so I get to do some things I love to do. I am still young, and have plenty of energy, so don’t want to stop.

It’s really important I look after myself so I can look after him. Phil wants to continue to improve, and so do I.

Tell me a little about your business

I run two really supportive networking businesses for entrepreneurs and business owners. It’s a fabulous bunch of people who really support each other. They get peer-to-peer support, referrals, workshops and webinars. There is lots of knowledge and help in the network. It’s a wonderful community to be part of. It’s my passion and I love it.

Find out more about Women Mean Biz and We Mean Biz , to get in touch fill in the form on their contact page.